Jerusalem 3rd Day

How does one fight for justice and peace? Do I maintain neutrality? Do I pick up a picket sign from the Women in Black that reads "Stop Occupation" in Hebrew, Arabic and English? Do I listen to the personal stories of those who have been literally beaten by Israeli soldiers, forced out of their homes and prevented from accessing clean drinking water, jobs and even their capital, without flinching? And what am I to make of the story of my roommate, Nadine, a Jerusalem resident who chose to break up with her Bethlehem boyfriend rather than marry and find themselves unable to live together?

Their stories are true. The Israeli government demolishes Palestinian homes seemingly at random. I witnessed the rubble today. The Israeli government is not finishing the wall, the wall which is meant to create checkpoints of security, nor do Israeli soldiers use the checkpoints to identify threats. We've driven our tour bus into the West Bank without stopping numerous times in the past two days. In the words of our Jewish Israeli guide, "I'm a smuggler. All you need is to know a few words in Hebrew and have a yellow license on the back of your car." And still, and still, there are no suicide bombers. It is not the wall which is stopping them- they can walk around the checkpoints if they so choose- however, Palestinians are making the choice to endure the occupation without violence.

How much longer can they make this choice before violence erupts again? The infrastructure is falling apart in the West Bank. Schools are turning away students due to severe overcrowding, sewers are overflowing, garbage piles up in the streets, without sidewalks, signals or space enough for the cars. The civilians of Jabal Muqabr Mountain contribute to the total 30% of the East Jerusalem population, pay their share of taxes to the Israeli government and receive 7% of total municipality funding (12% according to Israeli studies). The drive into the settlement, ma'el adomeem, which takes approximately 30 seconds as you cross a checkpoint is incredibly refreshing. They have green grass, in place of desert rubble, palm trees in place of a barren landscape, and beautiful homes in place of crumbling apartments.

The winds blew over our tour group today from the bottom of the valley where the ring of settlements around Jerusalem appears to be closing. One building, a police department funded by a private Jewish family of Los Angeles, stood alone in a place the U.S. State Department had forbidden. It was fully equipped with far more electricity lines and roads than one building should ever need. The future of the site seems fixed before the building has begun.

First Day in Jerusalem

I am safe and sound, if not a little bit sleepy ;)! I saw all of Jerusalem yesterday... running... but I saw it. We visited the stations of the cross along with throngs of Christians from all over the world... little old men and women who had been waiting their whole lives to touch the spot Jesus did when he fell for the first time. Personally, I didn't get a whole lot out of it spirtitually, but I've NEVER seen the variety of people in one place, as yesterday.

The flight from London to TLV was a nightmare. A baby was screaming the ENTIRE flight and I was doubting all of my decisions- wresting with He that sharpens your skills and your nerves- all night. I had the row to myself, and the night was dark and endless. However, I prayed that I would meet a nice boy to take me to Jerusalem - and, at the end of the flight Ari- a 25 year old from Los Angeles with a yamaka who was exactly like Hunter S. Thomson from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, befriended me, offered to take me to Jerusalem and proceeded to explain his Zionist perspective from 4:30 to 7 a.m., when we arrived at the Sabeel convent by shuttle. As he had lived in Israel for some time, we argued over the actions of Israelis toward Palestinians, the wall, the killings, whether every Palestinian needs to die or not... as we watched the sun come up over what Israel has become in the past 40 years.

Bringing a Jew into the walls of a Palestinian convent was certainly a surprise for the nuns, however Ari and I had a blast exploring the grounds and sneaking ironic pictures of him standing on the cathedral steps. Getting directions from the nun, I then took him to our hostel, The Knight's Palace, which is actually a castle converted from the crusades in the heart of the old city.


As I approached, the Christians standing in front of the hostel started calling my name- Elizabeth! Elizabeth! When I introduced Ari to the Palestinian head of the hostel, Jamal, both eyed each other up and down- and I got A LOT of hard looks for bringing a Jewish boy with me. There is clearly so much I do not understand. However, they shook hands and said they wished they could be meeting under different circumstances, perhaps in a peaceful future. Afterward, Ari confessed to me that he could see that Palestinians were people too- "everyone is just a person"- and we both admitted that we had accomplished quite a bit before 9 a.m.

The food here has been amazing by the way- I'm eating breakfast as I frantically try to type this out. In the midst of our tour yesterday we were taken to a fantastic and glam restaurant, the hostel serves us breakfast and dinner in huge proportions- everything from eggs to tomatoes, pita and french toast, ham slices and olives.

Packing

I spent the day with my family. My parents, acting like it's my first day of college decided to take me shopping at REI as their going away present. Me, being the cheapest person about paying for necessities, and usually spending my money on coffee, restaurants, gas, beer and parking tickets, found this a rather painful experience. However, people always want to know: How can you afford to travel? Alright, it isn't expensive, but it does cost money (and since I put off committing to a job until I knew what my travel plans were going to be, I did accept outside parental support funds). Here's a breakdown to the point of departure:

Airline Ticket (Denver- London- Tel Aviv- London): $1085, Wholesale-tickets.com
Conference Cost: $1050
Passport (x2, expedited processing and shipping): $315
Backpack: $239
Hiking Shoes (Sample): $30
Travel Guides: $109
Rain Jacket: $99
Light T-Shirt (Used): $8
1.5 lb Sleeping Bag (Used): $48
2.5 lb Tent: $200
Desert- Style Long- Sleeve Shirt: $49
1.1 lb Sleeping Mat: $45
Nylon Capri Pants (Used): $32
Nylon Zip- Off Pants (Used): $22
Climbing Shoes (Used): $30
Socks: $5.49

Fears and Following your Heart

Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. Cor 13

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Why do we so consistently underestimate the value of words? Words can comfort and destroy, begin and end... they can change everything.
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It is late, and I am spending my last night up, trying to pack and feeling completely overwhelmed, alone, upset and terrified of what may lie before me. However, I hesitate even as I type...

What am I afraid of exactly?

• I am afraid I made a mistake in quitting my job before finding another (when it took 50 applications and 6 months for me to find it in the first place).
• I am afraid I will be alone... and I don't want travel alone.
• I am afraid I will spend all my money and never make it back, that I will pack too little or too much, and that I will get stranded and waste my time.
• I am afraid I will be scorned for traveling and be thought of as frittering away my time.
• I am afraid that I won't be working or close to getting a "real job," and I will have to depend on others, the Universe and God far, losing my independence and pride.
  
• I am afraid I will forget who I am without my family, home, cell phone and possessions.
• I am afraid I won't be able to formulate a purpose to my adventure.
• I am afraid I am running away from not settling down and making a life for myself in Colorado, and that I will miss out on something by leaving.
• I am afraid that I will not fit in amongst the highly religious environment.
  

Alright, so it's out there, and I bet I am not alone in feeling this way. It's amazing how these are the fears that keep Americans from traveling. Wow- this list is incredibly intense and scary- and I'm not even including the fears of terrorism, rape, muggings and general paranoia of a single woman hiking, camping, climbing and traveling alone to the Middle East! Ha!

But you know what? I am about to do what I have been dreaming of and pining about for the past two years... I finally am heeding that voice that has been whispering in my ear, "Patience, you will go at the right moment. In the meantime, keep trying, keep listening and prepare..."

I'm sick to my stomach with fear because I am doing the thing I am most afraid to do, which is also the thing I know in my heart I must do. The truth is, I am following my heart, and this is what following your heart, instead of your fears, feels like when you are out of practice.

And that brings me such immense gladness, freedom and joy that the peace finally begins to flow from my chest to my throat, releasing the tightness, from my throat to my mouth, freeing my smile, from my smile to my temples, relaxing my worry lines. Today, I sing.

What to make of it all?

At this point, cramming my mind with books about Jerusalem, Beirut, Palestine and peace, I'm struggling to know what to make of it all... and to understand what to do with myself in the final week before my departure. I once wrote of feeling the sweat fall off Peace's brow, for it is not without immense effort and campaign that Order is elected chief. As an American woman, my life is simple... if not without excitement. My bills are taken care of, my new job seems promising, I know that I would receive the best of health care, should I need it, and the grocery store across the street is stocked full. My family and friends are safe, my home is securely paid for and our war is happening a million miles away, fought by men and women I'll probably never even meet.

What more could I ask for?

How about the world?