Relax

How many times have I been told I must relax by doctors? They look at me and see a nervous wreck, and yet, today, one told me, "you know I love you." Wow. He said it in passing, a slight, but I was struck by those words given by this man. He also told me I had an infection, and that I will most likely be put on IV antibiotics by the end of it... I imagine perhaps a great healing in my body will need to take place after it is rid of the things which plague it. I imagine being scoured from the inside out, leaving my body and soul raw and vulnerable. I imagine a garden, lush, green and sweet smelling blooming after this long drought.

Pain, you don't scare me.

One thing I realized over the 4th, spent at my cousin's home by the lake, is that facing a long term health issue is one of the scariest things I can imagine. Yet, here I am- one year after I first noticed something was wrong. I've faced more physical pain this year than in my whole life combined, with MDs telling me this issue may very well never go away. So, I realized, I don't have anything to be afraid of anymore. Pain? I've met it, slept with it, laughed through it and traveled in spite of it. So, when my cousins asked me to try out the water& jet skis- though my initial reaction was fear- I jumped on! I think this experience is teaching me, fear truly is the obstacle I must overcome.